It's January, the start of a fresh year, like blank diary waiting to filled with adventures, worries and plans, new contacts, doodles and so much more. While I'm not really a 'new years resolutions' kinda guy, I do love the energy and the excitement of potential change radiating from others at this time of year. From my own experience, change has always come at the most unexpected times so I'm not focusing much energy on resolutions as I know change can happen and is possible any time throughout the year.
It's Monday, the first one of the year. I'm back at work and tomorrow is the dreaded first weigh-in of the year. It's going to be painful, I know it! Again, I know from my past experience that the hardest step is always the first one and I already know its going to be painful to stand up on the scales and take whatever gain shows on the scales. And again, I know from my past experience that what I do in the face of this information is entirely under my control. I can accept it and move on, I can begrudgingly accept it and halfheartedly work with the program OR I can give it everything I have.
My philosophy has always been:
I found myself re-reading over old blog posts and like flicking back through pages of old diary, I can with 20:20 vision identify whatever I was working through and how it contributed (or hindered) my path to whatever goal I was working towards. For my first post in 2014 (link) I wrote about exploring more and experiencing new things: "My Goal for 2014 will not be to reach a goal because of the person it will make me once I reach it but rather to understand the person I am becoming.". I went on in 2014 to run my fastest marathon, I start cycling and did the Ring of Kerry, I got married. I grew, I changed.
I started 2015 slightly deflated after a few lackluster months (link) comparing my motivation (and weight loss) to building a lego castle. "The hardest step is always the first one. The second hardest step has to be the one where you decide to keep going even when you can't see the finish line. Here comes the cold hard fact - There is no finish line.".
When did I become obsessed with the finish line! I suppose it's hardly a surprise for a runner to focus on finishing but the thing is I've always known that weight is not concrete and it will continue to change. Being healthy is more important to me than being a certain weight - but at some point weight does your ability to be healthy (and happy).
The truth is I don't know what I weigh today. I (intentionally) skipped the last class before Christmas (23rd of December) and have gone completely AWOL over the Christmas period. That's three weeks free-reign. *yikes* I guess whats important is that I'm ok with that. I'm not one for guilt and I know if I was talking to anyone else in my situation, I'd encourage them to get back on the wagon - so thats exactly what I'm going to do for myself. I did the best I could last year and even if I didn't, I can't change the past, I did the best I could and now I am doing the best I can by catching myself after a three week WW-free holiday.
I'll deal with tomorrow's weigh-in when I get there. For today, I've started back tracking. I am really looking forward to starting the new Smartpoints program - if you want an overview, pop over to The Skinny Doll's blog post which is excellent!