Thursday, 7 November 2013

The Cookie Monster Guilts!

On Monday I did something I'm completely ashamed of. My other half was off work sick so was understandably resting up in the bed sweating away the pain. I said I would take care of dinner (how sound am I?) and so on the way home from work that evening, I stopped into Tesco to find something I could make for dinner. 

Here is where I broke the first Weight Watchers rule my WW leader Phil is always saying: Fail to plan, plan to fail.

So I wandered around Tesco aimlessly wondering if I would make pasta? Maybe I should take the easy option and just buy a frozen pizza? As I walked around I picked up a bag of fresh cookies from the bakery. They were on offer and they just looked so delicious. 

Here is where I broke another cardinal Weight Watchers rule: Never shop when hungry

As I wandered around the shop, I also picked up a tub of Häagen-Dazs, a bar of Green & Blacks Chocolate and a big bag of crisps. It was ok though, these were for my other half! Ah hello like, this being the same other half who was sick and currently occupying under a duvet.

Here is where I broke yet another rule my WW leader is always saying: When shopping, ask yourself who are you really buying these for?

If I'm honest, I really was buying them for my other half but with the secret intention of having a sneaky bite while the tub/bag/pack was open. Anyway, I finished walking around the aisles, paid and left the store. I devoured two large cookies before I'd gotten home. 

Jelly Bean Cookies

Nothing annoys me more than thoughtless eating. It's such a waste. What scared me was what came next. I sat in the car parked in driveway and thought about either eating the remaining two cookies or should I throw them in to the sulo bin before going into the house as I knew I'd be "caught out" if I went in with an open pack of cookies.

By "caught out" I mean having to verbalise to someone else what I had just done. Not that my other half would have cared that I opened the pack of cookies or that I had eaten two, but sometimes just the fact you know you'd have to explain out loud to someone else why you did something is enough of a deterrent. 


I sat in the car for about 5 minutes thinking about what I would do. I hadn't even really wanted them in the first place! I went in the door with the half pack of cookies in my hand and presented all the sweet treats I had just bought to my other half. Thankful but confused as to why I had bought a load of sweet things when I was only stopping into Tesco for something for dinner really got me thinking.

How I imagine I should have looked coming in the door from Tesco

How I imagine I actually looked coming in the door from Tesco
(I imagine I've lost my top in the cookies-haze)

Why did I buy all that junk? Surely flowers or a card or even some new PJs would have been better (and probably cheaper) than all the junk I had just bought for no reason. 

So what do you suspect happened next? Go on, take a guess... Yep, After dinner I ate the other two cookies followed by some ice-cream. It's three days later and I'm still suffering from "the guilts". 

You see, I suspect this is the start of an old friend of mine raring its ugly head - Mr. Self Sabotage. For the past 12 weeks I have been playing with the same few pounds. Up one, down two, up two, down one. I wouldn't mind, it's not like I haven't been working at it! I do feel like the marathon and training has kind of taken over the past two or three months and with that, I have been excusing myself for the lack of progress on reaching my primary goal: Hitting Goal.

I've said before (here) that "while hitting goal is important to me, being healthy and happy is more important to me." and while this rings truer than the fact the pope is a Catholic, that still doesn't mean I'm going to just lie back and take it. I need to hit goal for myself. I feel like I've become within reaching distance of goal but just can't reach it. For the past few months the volume of exercise I have been doing has probably taken the blow of a lot of these types of slip-ups.

Three weeks ago I was 0.8lb off goal. Yep, a cats whisker away. Two weeks ago, I was up 1lb, so 2lbs from goal. Last Tuesday (the day after the marathon), I went in for weigh-in partially believing this week could be my week... SURELY the day after a marathon I'd have to have lost 2lbs. Nope. Up 3lbs! On Monday night, the night before my weigh-in I went and splurged on cookies and ice cream.

The worst part about all of this, and the reason why I think I am feeling so guilty is because at this weeks weigh in, I was down 1lb. Phil, my WW leader has another Weight Watchers rule: If you've had a bad week, you need your meeting. If you have had a good week, your meeting needs you. This week I really needed my meeting - not because of my slip up on Monday but just to regather my goals and refocus. 

I'm know that in exposing Mr. Self Saboteur to the world, I will refocus. It's 6 weigh-in's to Christmas. I am 4lbs off goal. Losing 4lbs when regardless of whether you are at the start, middle or end of your weight loss journey doesn't make it easier or harder than a different 4lbs. 

I CAN DO IT!




10 comments:

  1. Well done for being honest John. With your readers AND with yourself. I hope writing this gets rid of the guilt for you. I know just the place you're in, as in the guilt, not the been close to target. I'm still a good 5st off my target but with you, Phil and others as my inspiration and supporters I'll get there. Just like you have. Again, well done. Proud of you x

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    1. Thanks Rob! Appreciate it :) Honesty is the best policy - its just so hard to be on the ball sometimes... I definitely slipped but hopefully am back on the ball again now!

      As for you, you will most def reach target! We've supported each other this far, we'll keep on going supporting each other over the goal line and onto a dance floor somewhere where we'll show those 20-something-year-olds how to fanny vogue properly :D

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  2. I have been exactly where you have been, i wrote a similar post a few weeks ago about secret eating and when I tried to explain it to my boyfriend he just couldn't understand why the need for lies and secrecy! You have put it down better here than I ever could! You will get to goal, you may have had a few up and down weeks but through it all you still have the motivation in you!

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    1. I hope so! Thanks Zoe! Its a weird one to explain and like I said, not that anyone else would give a s*** that I had eaten two cookies, I was projecting my own sense of guilt onto his reaction.

      We can be so weird at times - Glad to know I'm not alone :)

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  3. Just in case you don't see this on my blog Thanks John, I don't know what happened, I stuffed crap into myself but there's 1 thing I do know and that's guilt will make it worse so I've decided I'm not going to feel guilt, I did it and now I'm not. It's just I know and fear the place that eating like that brings me to., but I'm not there, it was a step in that direction. This week I have been super and I'm really feeling the benifit of it. Also between my 2 classes, the weight loss was nearly 7 stone and I think all of us just need to shake it off. And after reading your blog, I have to tell you, it took me 5 weeks lose the last 1lb to get to goal, I thought that pound would break me but it was there to remind me that anything worth having, needs are work and it's that lesson that has kept me at goal.

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    1. I assume its a psychological barrier stopping us or making us perceive it to be harder than it actually is (losing that last few lbs). I mean it takes the same willpower to lose the 2nd last half stone as it does to lose the last half stone. Its probably just the time it take is longer so it feels slower.

      I love your attitude though of having to work to hit goal is what has kept you at goal! Hope the same happens for me :)

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  4. Great post! We've all been there xx

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  5. Great post! Rings a familiar bell in my head! We all have those weak moments but the trick is putting it behind you and focusing! I've 5.5lbs to goal thanks to an unexpected gain of 1lb last week! We can do it but these lbs are determined to stick to me and I'm determined to shake them off :)

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