Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Same Old Brand New Me?

Yesterday was an interesting one... It marked the end of my 3rd Weight Watchers card:


Thats 78 weigh-ins, 78 times I've stood up on those electronic scales and watched either in earnest or with bated breath as the digital display flashed up a weight. You can probably guess but for most of the first two cards, my + or - value was a minus, and if it was a plus, I knew the reason why. 

On Tuesday, July 30th last, I got my 14th Silver 7. I was so happy. 7 STONE! The following tuesday I weighed in at 12st 1lb. I was 99lbs lighter, just ONE POUND away from goal. That was when I gave up smoking. Now, I'm not by any way shape or form putting the blame on cigarettes but it has felt that since that point, I haven't been able to regain my feet on the ground. 

For the past 30 weeks I have played with a stone! Up one, down two, up three, down one. Today, as the last line on my card was filled, it was 13st 2lbs. Exactly 15lbs up from my lightest weight which was 1lb away from goal and my 100lb cert. So bloody frustrating. I've had my eyes fixed firmly on hitting 12st. I think in fact, if I'd only just hit it and then moved off it, I wouldn't be so obsessed with hitting 12st. 

Anyway, I'm fed up. I'm annoyed with myself. I'm disappointed in myself. This is hard - working towards something without seeing any progress - it is really hard to keep motivated and I've found myself starting to slip. Stupid old habits have started to creep back in and I feel like my footing is starting to slip more and more.

This isn't a 'Poor me' or a 'Give me sympathy' blog post, I'm just venting about how difficult it is. I think the reality of the situation is: Losing weight is tough... maintaining weight loss is tough... staying in control is tough and staying motivated is tough. 

As I faffed around online today, I came across this on Chinie's wonderful blog - Fab After 40 (link here) and it was exactly what I needed:


Of course I'm the same old brand new me! In those past thirty weigh-ins since I was one pound away from my goal weight I have accomplished so much.

I ran TWO marathons.
I did not smoke 5000 cigarettes (which I would have had I not given up).
I have learned more about myself and what I am capable of than I ever could have imagined.
I bought a bike.
I experienced things I could never have imagined - the companionship in sportsmanship, the opportunity to just go for a 3 hour walk with friends, the ability to just sign up for a half marathon without giving it much thought.
I am running faster.
I know muscle weighs more than fat.

However...

I know, know deep down inside if I am really honest with myself that the reason I haven't gotten my weight under control is because I have left old habits slip back in to my life. I eat what I want without properly tracking, sometimes I over eat, knowing that I really don't need the second bowl of museli or pasta but I still go for it. My problem has never been having one biscuit or treating myself to a cupcake or a curly wurly, my problem has always been in knowing the biscuit that's one biscuit too many and walking away.

I really need to regroup, refocus and re-strategise.



8 comments:

  1. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have done some fantastic things for your health in the last few years but giving up smoking is soooo hard. If you have managed to maintain most of your weight loss while getting over this first year you are a total superstar.

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    1. Thanks x

      I know I know, but I think getting 1lb from goal twice has been the biggest pain in the face! In a way, maybe its good that I didnt as I'm now more determined to get there.

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  2. I really needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing. Climb on board you are not alone!! Onwards and downwards :)

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    1. No more than when I saw Chinie's post on her blog, I was like "This is EXACTLY what I needed to see today".

      Glad to be able to pay it forward :)

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  3. Great post John! In December I was 11st 13.8lbs and then I injured my foot ie no exercise and had a few events in between and teaching practice but you know still had my good days...stood on the scales last friday...13st 2lbs...yeah...I spent 18mnths stuck in the 13's desperately trying to get out of them! No 18montjs this time I swear I am getting to 11st 10lbs *goal* before 2014 is out...next month marks my 4th anniversary since joining WW! Finally need to get to goal! I love your posts, seriously it's a time when I'm like 'ok need to get my tea and get comfy' ha! You have achieved sooo much but it easy to let old habits slip back in but hey once you know that and decide to get back to business 100% that's what counts!!! Now let's both get out of the 13's and smash our goal :-)

    Gra :-) x

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    1. I do firmly believe the first pound is as hard to lose as the last pound. I've found myself identifying more with people like yourself who have passed the initial shine phase and found that it does work for them, they just have to work WITH the program too!

      I've had a lot of today reflecting on what I've said above so expect an updated post shortly! We can do it Gra! Lets smash the 13s and onwards down through the 12s :) x

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  4. OK firstly if there's a pity party I'm in charge!!! You are amazing! and yep... losing weight is hard... and shite and not fair... but.... BUT... you're catching yourself before you gain 6 stone! AND noticing your bad habits NOW! You're NEVER going to be that weight again... you may flit about between 12 and 13 and 11 stone... you'll be up and down... but you'll NEVER go back to the start line! and THAT's what makes you amazing! It's knowing that its hard... knowing that it will never be easy for some of us... and knowing that you can do it because you have.. but.... (yes another BUT!) life is short and now you can live it to the full... you can have a bun AND run a marathon... before it would've been a bun and a fag... everytime I need some motivation I read your post about stopping on the walk up that Crough Patrick and look at you now! You'll hit the 12... and 12 and a half but you'll never be 19st again! Mwah! x

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