Have you ever brought my dog for a walk?

Anyone who follows me on Twitter (@quinlivan) will be familar with this little guy, but just in case you don't know him... This is my dog CJ:

Woof!

He is a spoiled little brat (a bit like me). He is also a little cutie (*waits for someone to say "just like you John"*). If you have ever had the misfortune/joy of being out with CJ for a walk or seeing us pass by, you will know he is a tad uncontrollable. Pulling you in one direction, stopping for a sniff or a pee, being distracted by another dog passing across the road. You get the idea... 

SQUIRREL?

Anyway, while I was out walking the dog this morning I came to the realisation that myself and my dog are more alike than even I am comfortable admitting. My weight for the last few weeks has been all over the place... kind of like CJ's trajectory when out for a walk.

The past few weeks have been really tough as things just haven't felt like they have been going in the right direction. This feeling has been further componded by the resulting value displayed on the scales at weigh in. I've been up down up up down up... and while each of these have been relatively small in the grand scheme of things, they have repeatedly bashed my level of self-belief and confidence. If I step back and look at the timeline of the past few weeks, the following happened (in order):

1. I was 1lb off goal (Total Loss: 99lbs)
2. I gave up cigarettes as I figured not being at goal would keep me even more focused on reaching it
3. I went up 1lb, 1lb and 1lb over the next three weeks
4. I went down 3lbs (back to 1lb off goal)
5. I went up 2lbs and 2lbs the next two weeks (Total Loss: 95lbs)

I have felt like the past few weeks have been a bit like this:

I have attributed my weight gain to being off the cigs - Five weeks today by the way! The "problem" as such with being off the cigarettes is that I find myself wandering out into the kitchen and staring into an open fridge/cupboard, which results in me picking. This is something I never had a problem with before.

I have also attributed my weight gain to the fact I am training for a marathon, which is in less than six weeks time, so I have found myself hungrier than before. I am running more so therefore I must need to eat more? For example, when I finished the Half Marathon last weekend I had a bottle of coke & chocolate bar to 're-fuel', then I had a big lunch, then I had a full pizza for dinner.

Last night as I left Weight Watchers 5lbs away from goal, my self-confidence bruised, I was mad at myself. I was mad that I was moving in the wrong direction. I was mad that this was happening. I was mad that everything happening was out of my control. 

When I got home from Weight Watchers, I went for a run, had dinner and then went to bed early (because I was feeling sorry for myself). My alarm went off at 7am this morning and off I went for my walk with CJ as per usual. With a clear, fresh head and a rested body, I walked up the Maree Road towards Renville Park dragging the dog along at 7.30am this morning when I had the following epiphany:

I have taken my eyes off the ball (my goal) due to the following flawed logic: 1 - I am training for a marathon so I don't really need to point/track as I am doing more than enough exercise to justify me tracking everything. 2 - I deserve a few treats because I am not smoking.

So instead of feeling like my goal has thrown me off track:

I realised that I can control of the ball:

As much as I am like my dog... I am not a dog. I should not reward my "good behaviour" with food. Looking at a possible cause for my gain, I realised what exactly I have been doing. Every time I go to the kitchen press, I am rewarding myself for not smoking with a biscuit or a slice of cake or something. Every time I go to the shop, I buy crisps or a chupa chup. Now while each of these individually are not bad, collectively they are.

One day last week I counted 2 chocolate digestives (5pps) at 11am coffee break, crisps at 3.30pm (3pps), a Chupa Chup (1pp) on the way home from work and maybe a 2 finger kit-kat after dinner (3pps) mixed in with 3 cups of tea/coffee (6pps) throughout the day = 18 propoints A DAY, thrown away without much consideration. 

This is something I can control. 

Taking above for example, 18 propoints is half my daily allowance! HALF. 18 propoints can be earned by 90 minutes of high activity! Like a Pavlov's dog reacting to the sound of the bell, I have just changed the stimulus/behaviour cycle. The pattern above shows that basically food has replaced the 'hit' I used to get from smoking. I need to find a reward that aligns itself with ALL of my GOALS - not just one that aligns itself with one of my goals (smoking).

My Goals (collectively) are:

1. Be Fit & Healthy
2. Reach Goal Weight
3. Not Smoke

Another important factor to consider which I have learned time after time since starting this journey over a year ago is:

Another factor I don't place enough emphasis on is:

So while I may be LIKE my dog in many ways, I am also the one controlling the lead. A little bit of self-reigning in when I go astray along the path is needed, but I have gotten myself this far. I need to stop being so hard on myself and with myself. Being mad at myself for enjoying something (like a slice of cake etc) is counterproductive. Likewise, don't eat all the cake as a reward for something unrelated. I will have my cake, eat a slice, then walk it off.

Surely getting to goal has to be easier than bringing CJ for a walk! (If anyone disagrees, I'd like to invite you to bring CJ with them the next time they are heading out the door).

Similar but different...