Cocktails and Cravings...

I was out last night with a load of guys and girls from work (well, we were at a Team Building thing in Delphi for the night). After the day's activities concluded and we had showered and been fed, we found ourselves propping up the bar. In my defence, there was nothing else to do and besides there was a tab open (Thanks Work!)

Anyway, we spent the evening ordering absolutely delish cocktails sampling everything from Whiskey Sours to Long Islands, Mojitos to Daiquiris. 

Freshly made Whiskey Sour

Something weird happened last night though... I really really REALLY craved a cigarette! I have been so lucky not to have had many cravings since I've given up 18 days ago. I found myself watching people leave the bar to go outside for a smoke with such envy. I really fought the urge to follow them out. 

They say a picture paints a thousand words, and this picture from @chiniehdiaz pretty much sums up my night last night: 

I went to bed last night fuelled up on cocktails thinking about cigarettes - and woke at 8am still craving a cigarette! My usual distraction techniques didn't work like they normally do. I showered and went for breakfast but found myself just staring out at the smoking section in the hope that someone would appear with a cigarette.

On the journey back to Galway we were stuck in traffic and I found myself staring (like psycho-stalker-staring) at a driver who was smoking out the window. I can't explain the envy I felt looking at her smoke away oblivious to the fact I was eyeballing her out of it from the bus beside her. When I got home, I treated myself to a Curly Wurly to satisfy some craving inside me - which didn't hit the spot I'm afraid. Lunch didn't fill me either.

It's now 6pm and all I want is a cigarette...

Even as I write this post, I'm conflicted with the use of my words 'envy' and 'want'. Of course I don't WANT a cigarette, and how can I be envious of someone smoking when at the end of the day, there is nothing to be envious of when it comes to smoking. 

I suspect my craving is probably stirred up from the alcohol-induced state I was in last night, and although I hadn't thought about smoking all day yesterday, I clearly over-compensated how comfortable I was with not smoking.

I need to stay strong. Even if this means going to bed at 9pm tonight (Obvs I'm going to stay up for X Factor). Even if it means making my other half smoke around the corner from the house. Even if it means dipping into my treats for the week just to curb my cravings. My fear is that I am replacing one habit with another by replacing cigarettes with food/treats. I am trying to be strong and good from a Weight Watchers and Non-Smoking point of view but it feels like a lot today...

I need to remind myself of the reasons why I quit in the first place...

I need to realise the ways in which my life is improving since giving them up: I no longer stink of smoke, I've saved over €125, I've been able to treat myself to nice things, I've noticed my breathing while running has gotten much better (not as heavy). My chest and lungs feel so much lighter and I'm not coughing at all.

... or maybe, just maybe, all I need is another cocktail!?


  1. You can resist John - I am off the cigs nearly 2 years now and am still tackling the weight I put on but definitely breathe a lot easier and have no problem climbing stairs. Well done on your incredible weight loss. You are amazing.

    1. Wow what an achievement! In my head I know being smoke free is 150 times more important than putting on a few lbs. I just hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew if you know what I mean.

      Nearly 3 weeks off them now though and happy out :)

  2. This happens everyone John, and you didn't fall for the trap, fair play to you. The first time I stopped I fell head first into it and woke the next morning smelling of smoke and shame. You can do it, you will do it!

    1. You can succeed, I meant, obvs, not you can fall head-first into the smokey shame trap :/

    2. Thanks Sharon! What is keeping me going is the thoughts that I'd have to go back through what I have already been through. This thought is what is keeping me going.

      Nearly 3 weeks smoke free now :)

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